Tudor Tuesdays: 2
Every Tuesday I share with you a slice of script from a hilariously terrible Tudor sitcom that a friend and I wrote one summer. These are: Tudor Tuesdays.
Scene Two
The scene opens to a young woman sat at a large mahogany Tudor style breakfast table that is filled with all kinds of feastly food. Here enters a handsome man with the beginnings of quite a large gut growing. The audience cheers.
Catherine: Hello, handsome!
Henry: Hello, childless bitch. (laughter) Pass the lamb.
Catherine: You’ve had six chops already.
Henry: What are you? Catholic? (laughter)Catherine: I have your messages here.
Henry: Well, you’d better read them then, hadn’t you, wench? (laughter and light applause)Catherine: You’ve been invited to a father and son hog roast (laughter)Henry: (frowning) I die a little bit inside each time I get those (sad ‘aww’ from audience). But not as much as you’ll die if you don’t give me a divorce(laughter)Catherine: A divorce? Oh Henry, you cannot ask for such things!
Henry: I can.
Catherine: Who died and made you King? (laughter and heavy applause)Henry: Your ex-husband. (massive laughter and applause as scene fades to black.)
Henry: Hello, childless bitch. (laughter) Pass the lamb.
Catherine: You’ve had six chops already.
Henry: What are you? Catholic? (laughter)Catherine: I have your messages here.
Henry: Well, you’d better read them then, hadn’t you, wench? (laughter and light applause)Catherine: You’ve been invited to a father and son hog roast (laughter)Henry: (frowning) I die a little bit inside each time I get those (sad ‘aww’ from audience). But not as much as you’ll die if you don’t give me a divorce(laughter)Catherine: A divorce? Oh Henry, you cannot ask for such things!
Henry: I can.
Catherine: Who died and made you King? (laughter and heavy applause)Henry: Your ex-husband. (massive laughter and applause as scene fades to black.)
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